Hedwigs Revenge
by Jamie Theobald
Summary: Sugar high, Fan fiction deprived. Do not ask. A lot of humor involved.OOC


**HEDWIG'S REVENGE**

**A/N: This is majorly Sugar Induced**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters including Barney, for if I did I would have killed him a long time ago.**

**Summery: Sugar high, Fan fiction deprived. Do not ask. A lot of humor involved.**

One day, Harry Potter was sitting on the Hogwarts Express on his way back from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, thinking about his life and thinking of curses to use on Dudley when he got back to Privet Drive. He was trying to make up his own but he was not good at that type of thing. If he was going to do that he would need the help of his friend Hermione Granger. He would be arriving back to the muggle world in a few minutes and he was getting really depressed.

Finally he heard the dreaded words, "We are at Kings cross station. We will see you September 1. Thank you for riding the Hogwarts Express." Harry gathered his luggage and started back to the muggle world. As he left that platform he heard calls of, "See you later Potter" and "Die, Potter". He was thinking that this was going to be like every other summer. Boy was he wrong.

When he got to the Dursley's, he went to his room and threw himself down on his bed. Sitting on his bedside table was a snowy owl. "Hedwig, what am I going to do? Every summer is the same. I stay in my room the whole time doing absolutely nothing, while the Dursley's have all kinds of fun. This summer's we need so..."

"Potter, why are you talking to a bird? Are you that stupid that you think a bird can talk to you?" called his cousin Dudley. "I mean I know you go to a freak school but this is ridiculous."

_Shut up fatso, said a voice in his head before you say something to tick me off._

"Who said that?" asked Dudley.

"Said what"

"You are crazy Potter, and I am going to tell Dad that you are doing you-know-what in the house again."

"What do you mean? If you think I am doing magic, you are the crazy one. All I was doing was talking to Hedwig when you can barging into my room."

_Yeah fatso so why don't you pick on someone your own size, like a hot air balloon._

"Shut up Potter before I pound you into the floor."

"Dudley, I am not doing anything."

"Then why do I hear something in my head?"

"I don't know, now why don't you get out of my room! NOW!"

"I don't have to. This room is more mine than it is yours."

"As long as I am in this house it is my room."

"No its not."

_Now you made me mad fatso!_

Suddenly there was a loud bang and Barney the big purple dinosaur was standing in Harry's bedroom, and Dudley was gone.

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, why don't you say you love me too?"

"Dudley?"

_He got what was coming to him._

"HEDWIG!"

_What? I only gave him what was coming to him!. He is nothing but a big bully, and I wanted to get him back for being mean to you. Besides, I don't know how I did it. I just turned him into the first thing that came to mind._

"This is too much" Harry said as he fainted

HP-HP-HP-HP-HP

Later that day, after Harry tied Barney to his bed, Harry sent Hedwig to Hermione, hoping that she would know what to do. When she can, it was to see Ron with her.

"Oh... what... on...?" said Ron who was laughing so hard he couldn't even speak. "

Hermione on the other hand started waving her wand trying to perform some kind of a difficult counter curse. After ten minutes of trying, Dudley still looked like Barney.

"I have tried everything that I could think of and I still have no idea. Maybe I can get some information and I will be back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? My uncle will kill me! Hedwig you better get thinking of what to do because Dudley doesn't get turned back, and I will feed you to Ripper."

_You can't do that to me… You love me._

"You're gonna think I love you."

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy..."

"Shut up Dudley."

"I'm not Dudley. I'm Barney. Give me a hug"

"Tic-tac-toe three in a row, Barney got cursed by a G. I. Joe, Mama called a Healer, and the Healer said 'Whooooops Barneys dead'. Harry, Why didn't you tell me you were related to Barney?"

"Shut up Hermoine"

"Well, you are! He's sitting in your room, on your bed."

"I thought you were the serious one that I could look up to when there is trouble. Ron doesn't even know who this is but he's laughing. I am in a very bad situation."

"DUDLEY, where are you? Mommys got a treat for you."

"Awww great, Aunt Petunias looking for Dudley. Now what are we going to do?"

"Don't look at me!"

"Well what else am I going to do? I need someone to act like Dudley for a while. Anyone got any Polyjuice Potion handy?"

"Even if we did your cousin is a big purple dinosaur. We can't get any hair off of him or we will look like he does now."

"What do you suggest then? We need to do something and fast. Aunt Petunia is going to kill me! HEDWIG THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

_I will go in fatso's room and get a hair off of his pillow. Then I will fly to Professor Dumbledore's house and see if he has any Polyjuice Potion handy. I better be fast._

"Dumbledore has a house? And how is he going to understand you?"

_Dumbledore has a house, yes and just because you are too thick to understand me until now doesn't mean Dumbledore is. He understood me since day one. I will ask if he knows what to do about a counter curse also. Be back later. I want a mouse for dinner._

"You will be lucky to get a fly from me tonight. Now get going."

After Hedwig flew away Harry, Ron and Hermoine sat on Harry's bedroom floor (as Barney was on the bed) thinking.

"You know Harry, it hasn't even been a day since you got back and you have already made a mess out of things," said Ron. "I know Dudley gets on your nerves but this is ridiculous. Why a purple dinosaur anyway? Does it have a name?"

"I told you. I didn't do it, Hedwig did. The Dinosaurs name is Barney. He is the most annoying character on muggle T.V."

"Barney?"

He is a character that helps muggle children learn 'important life stuff' supposedly, Ronald." said Hermione.

A few minutes later Hedwig flew back in the window, then Dumbledore apparated right on top of Barney.

"Sorry about that, so what's the problem. Hedwig was much too excited to understand what she was saying. She said something about getting a fly for dinner if I didn't come to your house."

"Leave it to her the think of her stomach before her messes. She turned my cousin Dudley into Barney and now we can't get him changed back. My aunt is looking for him so we wanted to know if you could either change him back or give us some Polyjuice Potion so that Ron can act like Dudley until we can figure out how to change him back.

"Tic-Tac-Toe, three in a row, Barney..."

"Professor, with all due respect, SHUT UP!"

"Sorry Harry. Let me try a few things."

After twelve minutes, Barney was still as big and purple as he was when Dumbledore got there.

"Ok, Harry. I think that the particular curse Hedwig used will wear off in three months. You don't have to change Mr., Weasley into Dudley because I can perform a curse that will make your aunt and uncle think that Dudley is spending the summer at a friend's in the United States. In the mean time I will be back in a while because I have to find somewhere that we can put "Dudley" until the curse wears off."

"Ok Professor. Thank you for your help."

"Harry, you are on break. Please call me Albus, and you are welcome."

All of a sudden there was a loud CRACK and Voldemort appeared in Harry's room.

"Harry Potter I have finally broken the curse and now I can come to your house. This means that you are no longer protected by your mothers blood. You are going down Potter! Mwahhhhhhhha. Avada ked... wait, what the... Barney? Brother? What are you doing here in my archenemies house? Lets go home. I will finish with you later Potter"

And with that, Voldermort and Barney disapparated. When Dumbledore came back he looked around Harry's room.

"Where is your cousin?"

"You wouldn't believe us if we told you, Professor."

"Try me."

It took Hermione ten minutes to tell Dumbledore everything that went on because she had to pause so Dumbledore could calm down because of the fits of laughter he kept coming over.

"Oh well, you didn't like your cousin, right?"

_**Three months later**_

"I want you to play Barbie's with me brother. You promised!"

"Voldy, I want to. Can I take a break? There is only so much you can do with Barbie's, without magic. I still don't know why I can't do magic. Besides, I don't feel so well today."

All of a sudden there was a loud belch and a puff of purple smoke and Dudley was standing in front of Voldemort.

"I feel much better. You're right let's play Barbie's."

"I don't know who you are but let's play," said Voldemort.

From that day forth Dudley and Voldemort played Barbie's and Harry lived the rest of his life without having to worry about getting killed.

**AN: This is my first fan fiction and I want to know what you think. Don't hate me if you like Barbie. I have a major hyper problem and I thought that would be really funny. Please review!**


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